Fake Smiles & Heart Break Abroad

Fuck a fake smile is a decently good thing to live by, considering faking doing well does almost nothing for anyone ever, but I’ve been putting on the most fake ass smile this whole month.

The last three weeks have been some of the worst in my life, and there are certain things you just wish your family and friends were actually physically around for. There’s a lot of loneliness involved in chasing your dreams. And even when you think you’ve maybe found home abroad, reality will really do a number on you to snap you back into the reminder that you are, in fact, in your early 20s, and a lot of people don’t mean what they say, and you’re not home and that sucks some days.

I’m living in the weirdest limbo right now of balancing the fact that I’m actually living my dream but also dealing with a lot of emotional and mental health baggage. There’s a balance to be struck somewhere, and I’m really hoping I find it.

It’s okay to struggle. It’s okay to have really hard days, or weeks, or months. It’s okay to fail and fall and feel lost and alone. Because now is not forever, and we aren’t going to be trapped in struggle for the whole rest of our lives.

Now isn’t forever—this is what I hold onto when everything feels out of control and everything feels invested into something that is falling away from me.

We get hurt, we get back up, we learn, we recover. Human beings are insanely resilient and even in the most hopeless of situations, we still manage to make it through. We are all built on generations of people who have walked through insane hardships, disasters, and pains, and they made and we’ll make it too.We are not our pain, we are not how other people treat us, we are not only our right now, even when it feels like that sometimes.

Hopelessness is not our permanent state of being. There is always healing, and there is relief.

And this reminder never fails to be good company in grief and struggle:

“The story isn’t over if the story isn’t good.” (Cory Asbury)

Things will work out just fine. Just take a deep breath—you’ll get through all of it.

With Love,

Hannah

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