The Reason I’ve Been Gone So Long

DSC_0043It’s been a strange summer—I’ve kept it quiet, at least in the realm of internet communication and sharing.

I couldn’t really tell you very clearly why—I suppose it came about because I wasn’t sure of my motivation to go around pushing my life in the faces of others; not even in a negative way, but in a way that only seemed to be momentarily enjoyable and at next moment after hitting “post,” I was coming up with another clever way of getting anyone to pay attention to me.

I think it is remarkable how easily we fall prey to feeling not enough or unnoticed or unloved, and consequentially, trying to stuff that emotion with some kind of instant approval. I caught myself a lot of times this summer, mostly when I was on social media looking at other people’s things and wondering if anyone cared so much about what I was doing, how I was feeling, and who I was with, wishing for that double-tap, DM, commenting, kind of approval. And then, I would wait another week, and I would feel remarkably the same about things, so I would not post again—and this continued and did not stop. So I did not say anything.

I would not look for my approval in people.

Maybe I could have been of encouragement to someone this summer by writing just one thing, or maybe not.

I might have encouraged two-hundred people by taking five minutes to write about self-worth on Instagram, but I wonder what real eternal impact that would have had if it were written to self-glorify.

At the end of the day, one Kingdom stands forever, and it is not my own.

And no matter how hard I try, it will never be my own kingdom that stands.

“I have held many things in my hands and I have lost them all;–but whatever I have placed in God’s hands, that I still possess.”

– Martin Luther –

These last few months have been nothing short of strange and transformative because I have learned I could lose everything. I could lose it all, and be devastated, but okay—only because I will never lose Jesus.

And more importantly, Jesus will never lose me.

“And I am convinced that nothing can ever separate us from God’s love. Neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither our fears for today nor our worries about tomorrow—not even the powers of hell can separate us from God’s love.”

– Romans 8:38 (NLT) –

Even in things that seem to be holy, it is easy to try relying on our own strength. And yet, Jesus is constantly pursuing, seeking, loving more greatly than I could ever conceive—no, none of this Goodness is of my own doing but only by the One who is Goodness working all things our for His glory and the Good of those who Love Him.

There has never been a moment when He has looked at me and told me I’m not enough. Never once. Never now. Never in the ages and eternity to come.

We are all very enough.

We are all so enough that we need to learn to respect ourselves enough to put down the temporary moments of half-second-approvals and look at the nail-scarred hands of Jesus, the dancing of the Father, the whisperings of the Spirit, the smiles and sympathy tear-stained faces of our friends, and the long, warm embraces of our family, and remember we have a life to live that goes far beyond anything we could possibly do in our own power.

Our lives go far beyond our own ability to reach other people.

Our lives go far beyond our own hopes for our own little lives.

Our lives go far beyond our dreams, our degrees, our jobs, and our plans.

Our lives go far beyond anything we could ever imagine because He who is Good is Good is Good is Good and is working even at this very moment to draw each one of us closer to the destiny He has in mind for our little lives.

Our little lives become absolutely, remarkably important when we allow ourselves to be drawn ever nearer to the Love of God.

Because it is very much not temporary—this Hope and this great war to step into the greatest destiny we could imagine is never-ending, never-failing, and does not shrink back in the face of opposition or trial; in fact, in oppression it grows. In persecution, our hope flourishes.

Do not be discouraged. Do not be dismayed. But if you are, run recklessly into the arms of a God who knows how to carry the weight.

And know, it is His good pleasure to give you the Kingdom.

“Fear not, little flock; for it is your Father’s good pleasure to give you the kingdom.”

– Luke 12:32 (KJV) –


In Only the Love of the Father,


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