Imperfect Christmas

DSC_0775I have always been head-over-heels IN LOVE with Christmas. There is this incomparable wonder that encompasses this time of the year—but, it’s really hard when that isn’t captured.

This season is really rough for a lot of people—depression is real, loss is real, anxiety, dissociation, horrible family situations, they are all super real and super freaking hard, especially during Christmas.

It’s been an interesting few weeks, living in the midst of some of the weirdest mental health problems I’ve ever endured, and it seems there are many others in a similar situation. Christmas is wonderful, but it can be exhausting to try walking through such a joyous season in a state of such incredible exhaustion.

It just feels weird – it feels wrong to not be super entranced with the wonder of this time of the year.

But even in the midst of the “not-feeling-it” and the fears and detachment from the beauty of Christmas—

There was still a teenage girl.

An angel.

And an unexpecting fiancé.

A crowd of animals.

A manger.

An angry king

And a new One.

There was a star—

It was so bright.

And some humble kings

With gifts to present

To the Baby-King.

It sounds funny—but how powerful.

How completely world-changing.

DSC_0761

 

Eternity shook at the birth of this baby.

What a shocking thing,

This King to come

Through such scandalous means.

With prostitutes in His family line

And adulterers

And the evil

And the broken…

What king would ever choose to come in such a way?

This couldn’t be God—

It’s all too dirty,

It’s all too broken.

Why this way? How?

 

But one not-so-silent night,

With a census

And shunning family,

With every worldly thing

Out to get this little babe,

The angels sang

And shepherds ran

And the rejoicing echoed

Across all of Bethlehem

Across Judea

And throughout the world

Because this King

Changes everything

 

DSC_0788And He still is changing everything.

In all the moments of doubt and fear

In anxiety, depression, and paralyzing grief

His name, this seemingly helpless King in a stable,

His name is still called

Wonderful Counselor, Might God, Everlasting Father, Prince of Peace

And oh, how wonderful, that these words were spoken

Long before this little King

Laid His head in hay

And surrounded Himself

With animals

And the lowest of the low shepherds

And the humblest kings

 

He came

And He lived

 

And this little King

Became a man

And His humility

Laid the foundation

For His Kingdom

And our salvation

Till death met Him for but a moment

And He bid it farewell

Because nothing can keep Him away from us, the Beloved

 

He calls us home to Himself

With resounding bells of

Hope, Peace, Joy, Love

All the opposites

Of what we have felt

Reversing the cycle of sin and death

To bring us into the fold of the Father’s Heart

“For a child is born to us, A son is given to us; And the government Is upon His shoulder; And His name will be called Wonderful Counselor, Mighty God, Eternal Father, Prince of Peace.” – Isaiah 9:6 –

•••

With Love,

Hannah

5 thoughts on “Imperfect Christmas

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