Recently, I’ve found myself living in a perpetual state of orphan-minded, poverty-stricken brokenness. It is really not fun, but an incredibly important realization has struck me about these few weeks of mountain top highs with God and valley lows with Him too – sometimes your ideas about God have to be broken and reformed to go deeper with Him because we all have faulty theology to a degree, and man is He is breaking off some of mine.
He is not a God of lack but of abundance.
I tend to feel the need to hide from Him – I see His love poured out over others, and immediately assume I am unwanted, unfavored, and a bother to Him because maybe He loves those people more. And it breaks His heart that I default to believing that. Favor poured out on someone else doesn’t mean less favor for you – it means more glory for Him because “I am convinced that God keeps no man waiting unless He sees that it is good for Him to wait” (C.S. Lewis). Your waiting and differing season from others doesn’t mean lack of favor or Love.
The waiting can be favor too – you may not be ready for the fullness of your purpose on earth right this second, and if it were given to you, it would be incredibly destructive because the tools you need to steward it have not yet been built.
Really that’s for me to remember – I am not ready to steward this great thing God has called me to.
And that’s okay.
He doesn’t expect us to be ready right now. Jesus spent 30 years in training for 3 – I think we can breath knowing that. Maybe God will walk you into your calling at 20 or 35 or 50 or 60, but the waiting is incredibly important – your wilderness is incredibly important because it is where you learn to trust Him more, where you learn to rest, where you learn to sit with Him, where you learn to hear Him…
Waiting isn’t waste – not with the Father.
Sometimes, though, when grappling with these big questions of where God is and what He’s doing and why, in learning new things about Him and relearning other aspects, it can feel incredibly lonely.
I go through stages of anxiety, dissociation, depression – it’s the worst, and it often comes from a place of thinking He has abandoned me.
And that breaks His heart.
“…how I have been grieved by their adulterous hearts that turned away from Me…” (Ezekial 6:9b)
Instead of setting Him on the throne of our hearts in the broken places where we feel alone, we have placed fear, anxiousness, depression, worry, pain, loneliness, and a multitude of other idols on it.
And it grieves Him.
He hurts when we don’t realize His love for us, His provision over us, His presence with and in us and instead attempt to supplement it with temporary pleasures or motivators.
We have forgotten how big our God is.
Have you read Psalm 139? It’s this powerful passage about how we were made, but I think it also carries another idea of His love in equal significance:
The Psalmist says that no matter where we go, He sees us. In fact, He saw us in the womb – but He didn’t just see us, He was there with us – crafting us piece by piece, bone by bone, cell by cell. In the loneliest, darkest place – that was where He was forming us. He was the only one who saw the intricacy of us in that womb. In that quiet place – He was there. Where nobody else could go, where nobody tried to go, it was just Him that sat with us for 9 months in that place. “The night is as bright as the day, for darkness is as light with you.” (Psalm 139:12b) Because He is the day. He is the light – and in the dark, lonely wilderness, He walks in, with His eyes blazing like none other – the radiation of perfect love and unrelenting pursuit of our souls because He goes to the darkest places with us. Our wildernesss is not without intention aimed at growth and intimacy with Him.
He knows wilderness, and to the same degree that He understands our pain and confusion, He knows light – His hand is ever upon us. He is not far off in the loneliness and uncertainty.
“His delay is not His denial.”
He will allow us to wait as long as He sees it is good and it will be more fruitful for us in the long run – He will not keep us in seasons that He knows will not grow us more.
The wilderness sucks sometimes – it really does – but what if we just let ourselves embrace the wilderness season – push deeper into His voice, be unrelenting in asking Him for more – not begging – but receiving your inheritance – one that you rightfully have for the sacrifice Jesus made.
It feels lonely, I know, and it’s hard to let things break and be rebuilt. But He does not break anything apart from His healing nature. It’s the most wonderful paradox because there are always things that need to be broken and healed, but “We are always failing forward” and we are always breaking forward too. Breaking down doesn’t me stepping backward – it means stepping forward into deeper healing, deeper intimacy, deeper humility – it is not a punishment. It is never a punishment when God breaks things off.
“If you think you’ve blown God’s plan for your life, rest in this: You, my beautiful friend, are not that powerful.” (Lisa Bever) Trust Him, and know you are seen; you are noticed; you are wanted – THIS GRACE IS FOR YOU BECAUSE HE LOVES YOU BECAUSE HE LOVES YOU BECAUSE HE LOVES YOU BECAUSE HE LOVES YOU BECAUSE HE LOVES YOU BECAUSE HE LOVES YOU.
This grace is for you because there is a God who is head over heels in love with you – He is not a God of lack. He is the God who owns the cattle on a thousand hills – He has every resource imaginable – you are not going to be given the short end of the stick; you are not going to be given the leftovers.
THERE ARE NO LEFTOVERS WITH HIM
You don’t get leftovers because you are a child of God – an heir – a prized son; and this Father is better than any father you could imagine. He is not a man who fails. He is a Father who is relentless in pouring out blessing, grace, peace, hope, good discipline followed by healing, intimacy, love (not as the world loves but LOVE as HE IS LOVE), and a multitude of other perfect, beautiful gifts that we don’t have to earn. And He gives different gifts in different seasons, so don’t be so concerned about comparing your season and gifts as dancing in gratitude for His continually poured out love and sacrifice on our behalf.
God is not a god of leftovers – only of abundance.
No leftovers for you my friend.